nothing.

Little sister’s hair
Long, delicious locks of red
Scissors hesitate

Wide leaves from new plants
The natives are so friendly!
Seem to want high fives

Buzzing aimlessly
House flies bump into all things
They must get headaches

I knew this lady.
She thought it’d be good to swal-
Low a fly. Dumb bitch.

Hey guys. I’m still in Berea, currently. In case anyone forgot. (A wild goose was honking in my ear and the bastard wouldn’t shut up.) But I definitely still exist. In my head I had decided to try and keep you updated on all my adventures, but I just didn’t and it’s because I’m bad at this. So I’ll tell you as many favorite stories as I can remember in this blog post instead. Enjoy! I will try to be brief(s).

1. I went to Tennessee and visited my friend Katie. It was such a good time and I love her. I met some other champions there named Ryan, Kevin, Maria, among others. We watched some movies, drank some coffee, looked at some books, and kind of took turns instigating wacky adventures. Listened to a lot of Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head. I could have probably stayed there forever. Hopefully Katie and Ryan will want me to play the harp at their wedding.

2. Went to Lexington a few times with various marvelous people. One of my favorite Lexington memories was with cousin Brooke. We made a day trip and took a bunch of pictures in doorways. On another occasion I went with my friends from Berea. We went to a hookah bar and then found a semi-homeless lady on the street, for whom Salem prayed right then and there. I thought was very very sweet even though I don’t pray. What a winner. I love him, truly. All of em.

3. Watched a lot of fireflies. So dazzling. Favorite thing about not-Utah.

4. I love the plant life here. I didn’t expect it to be as different as it is, but there have been millions of plants I don’t recognize. Billions!

5. Took a road trip to Washington, D.C. with Brooke. We only stayed a couple of days, and spent most of the time just walking around the city. It was such fun though. Listened to a lot of Level 42. We played guitar on the street one day and one Palestinian lady gave us a $20. We tried to give it back but she insisted. The folklore festival was there also, so we walked around that for a while. Had some great live music. I also learned from Couchsurfing that there was live jazz in the Sculpture Gardens one night, so we went to that for a little while and ate sandwiches, but left pretty early because it was such a clusterfuck, so instead we walked over and explored the botanical gardens for a while. It was truly a grand trip.

6. Lots of hookah and movie times with different people. Got some cheap shisha that smells like bubble gum, so that’s weird and dumb. Oh well. Oh whale! It tastes okay anyway.

7. Flew to New York for a few days to visit friend Bill Remmers. Watched movies and went to diners. Listened to a lot of Gilbert and Sullivan. Whilst there, I was introduced to some good ones: Jenn, Ryan, and Kevin, among others. Champions. I loved Bill’s family as well. Loved em! It was a pretty nice trip. Much laughter was had.

8. Visited my friend Lauren Smith in New York City and had such the best time ever. We walked around the streets and drank some tea and had a marvelous conversation. She’s such a good. One thing I learned from this trip is that I really love meeting new people and making friends, but there is nothing like unto the treat it is seeing an old friend from home.

9. On the plane trip back to Cincinnati (I had a connecting flight there to Louisville) something went wrong about 20 minutes in the flight, so they had to turn around and try and fix it. I think it was just the radar or something, but I got home 4 hours later than I anticipated. Naturally, I missed my connecting flight, but they shuttled all the people in my same situation down to Louisville. So that was nice. I was honestly going to just spend the night at the airport and catch the 1:30 PM flight the next day. Bad. Anyway, I didn’t think the delay wasn’t that big a deal but they felt pretty bad about it, so they gave all the passengers $50 gift cards towards Delta. They accidentally gave me two, so I tried to give one back, but they said they didn’t care I could keep it. So that’s boss.

10. I met a bunch of good people, whom I value very much and I hope I’ll see them again. I will truly miss some of these winners.

11. Some people I’m going to miss:

• Brooke
• Keith
• Jane
• Nikki
• Salem
• Patrick
• Chungyen
• Katie
• Ryan B
• Kevin S
• Bill
• Jenn
• Ryan G
• Kevin Other
• Maybe Tyler but probably not
• Maybe AJ
• Heather

That’s enough for now.

I’ll be back in Utah in a week because I’m out of money (and I want to see The Decemberists play for free). But it’s really been a stupendous summer.

Things I wanted to do this summer:

• Drive across the United States of America all by myself
• Make friends
• Make more friends
• Write letters
• Smoke hookah with artists
• Kiss someone
• Learn a new skill from someone
• Write more of these when I think of them
• Get just a little homesick
• Feel satisfied
• Learn so much

Every time

I see your face

It reminds me

of you.

The old folks from our neighborhood are dead.

In their candy jars were kept your olio of memories from my childhood, when we would call on them just to leave our shoes by their rainbow doorways and eat their apples and listen to their stories about “was.” And “where.” And “who.”

I’m sorry that death brings with it evidence of a permanent change, forcing upon you a new chapter whether or not you can maintain control, though I think God mostly takes care of that for you anyway.

I don’t belong in your faith, and I can’t bring home more apples from Dick’s tree, but I respect you just the same. We both wish the feeling were mutual. You said you’d always love me for who I am, but everything seemed to change when “who I am” stopped being “who you are.” Maybe you just didn’t anticipate that.

Your breast doesn’t have to be glass because it isn’t hard for me to see what is concealed in your heart. Love is a language.

In the time I’ve known you I’ve realized that you do pick your friend’s nose, but instead of digging for boogers you reach a little further and pick their brain. You poke at it until it gives you what you want and I wish that were how you made your judgments, because at least then you’d be learning something.

Sip that through your acuminous teacup and critique it.

I bet when Mother Nature was a girl she was afraid to grow up.

Picking flowers, stepping on anthills, grabbing handfuls of grass to fling at your screaming playmates: all are temptations harmless to anyone but her, so it was either resist the carefree euphoria of youth or slowly destroy yourself. How could she grow to be the wisest living woman if she’s not allowed to learn? Think of the pressure.

I was afraid to grow up too. I was afraid to have to pay the bills. I was afraid to learn to drive. I was afraid to have to deal with my period every month. Most of all, I was afraid of the pressures that accompany becoming a successful product of your time and money. But I’m allowed to learn. Sometimes I’d ask, “did I do good?” and you’d smile and tell me that I’d done good. You’d smile and tell me you were proud of me. Your love was of utmost importance to me, because I wanted to be perfect for you.

Oh, I wanted to be perfect.

I think if God had the time he could be a great dancer or pianist, instead of a real estate agent. You can look into what he has to offer as best you can but you don’t get a tour of the unit.

After all, He himself didn’t write that little instruction book.

Maybe once you get there you’ll still have a chance to give Hell a quick once-over. Just in case.

You are.

I was.

If only.

If only.

If,

If,

If,

Is,

Is,

Isn’t.

I never killed the old folks.

In fact, I loved those apples.

That’s not a metaphor; they were delicious.

But the robot hymns map the grid system of your cookie cutter heart, and you always said I wasn’t allowed to use my brain. So now when I ask you if I’ve done good, you’ll just stare,

just stare,

straight ahead,

your face obscured by the umbrous choke of the thick room.

Asante sana squash banana. You came back from the store and brought with you the Legos that compose much of my psyche.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I want to be perfect for you.

and at the end of the day, I am still catatonic.

You are still accepting, not heuristic.

We are all together.

We will never be the same.

And here is one answer to your one-word question:

I don’t know what Satan’s motives are, but I know there is a difference between being “Christ-like” and “Christian-like.” And if Satan’s motives are to bring agony and destruction to this earth, those who are Christian-like have significantly upstaged anything the Devil has ever done.